Beginning of My Reconciliation with My Faith

The Beginning of the Journey

Some time has passed since I wrote anything on matters of the Faith. The last time there was any mention of God or religion was way back in March (Fundamentalist Christian Parody). But crossing paths with Vincent – through his Facebook Group, Malaysian Business Network - changed a lot of things, if not everything, I hold for life, religion and business.

I daresay it’s been almost 10 years since I rebelled against the Church in many ways than one – seriously. At one point of my teenage life, I even wrote to the then Bishop to excommunicate me! His Lordship never complied with my request. :-p Amidst the rebellion, I was at the same time trying to understand God and His Being. Using theology as a platform, I tried to explore the infinite possibilities.

Along the way, I subscribed to the Secularist Ideology of the Separation of Faith from Life. What prompt this? I despise dogma. The idea that a person claiming to know the Will of God is repulsive. Despite the many stages I’ve been through, I believe that as creations of the Almighty Creator, humankind does not possess even the closest faculty to entirely comprehend and claim to know the Will of God.

True, we have the many books of revelation, but these are the Word of God, given down by God through His Holy Spirit, meant to guide humankind in the absence of prophets. Thus, knowing the Word of God is not knowing the Will of God. From the Word of God we may deduce the Will; but to claim to fully grasp His Will…?

Internal Struggles

Business and being rich is always something I love to learn and do. I believe that with the accumulation of wealth, I am in a better position to support the Anglican Communion by financing Church Planting, having a Chapel erected and maintained, support the Diocese of Kuching through donations to the St. Columba’s & St. Augustine’s Parishes, and many more.

At the other hand, the serious misconception of ‘money being the root of evil’ and ‘it’s easier for a camel to cross the eye of a needle than a rich man’ scares me off!

Back in my preteen years, I also hold the ideals of studying Theology and Divinity so I can proceed to be ordained. More often than not, I would enjoy imagining being attached to an Order devoted to His Church.

What was once a factor, now part of the past is politics. I harboured ambitions to one day stand for elections in my home state of Sarawak. You see, I’d love to contribute to my maternal hometown’s growth and development. When I lost the 2007 student elections – Stand My Ground, I Won’t Give In -, I saw new ways of facilitating change. Taking the initiative as a private citizen started to make sense. In the aftermath of that election, I created Reading Law a blog for law students in Malaysia.

Living in an alien dominant community did not really help. When most of those around you only see you with a narrow black-and-white tunnel vision, applying the “us-vs.-you” mentality, secularism seemed like an easy way out. After all tolerance means “being receptive of anything and everything this community imposes on us to cover up their insecurities and ineptness”.

Collapse of Values into One Foundation

There are so many things happening in my head, I’m sure you can relate, when it comes to theology + philosophy + life. So many values, some clashing, others unrelated. Within the past fortnight, I can safely say that – like a tall, towering unstable structure – these values began to collapse. However values are not physical building; so when my collapse, it collapsed in place. Just like a jigsaw puzzle. Whatever does not fit is swept away.

As a result, I now have a new conciliated foundation. Again, this is just the foundation. We are yet to erect the four walls that will form the new building. Construction will only end after I’ve physically left this world. Until then, it’ll be constant renovation, expansion, and demolition.

Vincent, my friend and mentor, lends me books and materials to read and digest. So far I’ve completed Business as Mission and Anointed for Business. In addition to reading these, I also visit Purpose Driven Life and RBC Ministries every day to read their devotionals.

But reading these aren’t just enough. For someone like me, I have a lot of grounds to cover.

Starting my 23rd Birthday, I’m attending Bible Study lessons with a priest. At the moment, I’m keeping his identity in pectore.

Birth of my Reflective Spiritual Journal

One of the tasks we have as students of the International Certificate in Clinical Hypnosis (LCCH Malaysia) is to maintain a Reflective Journal. What happens is this: after every class or tutorial where we practice the techniques on each other, we’re to write in our journal – which is divided into 2 columns.

In the 1st Column, we write what happened – our experiences as the operator and as the subject. In the column beside it, we write our reflection: what can we improve on, how to overcome in future occurences of what we were not to comfortable with and whatever we learned from the whole experience.

This being the basis, I decided to do the same thing for my own spiritual journey.

Let me keep this straight: ab initio these entries are not perfect. They are the result of reflections and comprehension of Christianity as how I understand it. You may disagree with me, and you are welcomed to share your experience on the topic. As you may already know, I’m not an ordained minister. All you read under this category is meant to record my learning journey from the day I turn 23.

Reflective Spiritual Journey - An Offering to Him

Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.

2 Corinthians 9:7 (KJV)

In the times of Abraham, it would be normal to sacrifice sheep and lambs. As we move towards a more moderns society, you barely keep sheep and lambs in your home – unless we’re talking about the Facebook Application of Farmville. :-p

There are many ways to offer things to God. Just as livestock was a main commodity in the biblical ages of past, skills and talents are the same today.

At my personal level, I am more than happy to offer God my ability to write as my form of offering. While this Journal may be a private and personal matter in public – it is still an entry in a personal blog – let it also be my ‘offering’ of sorts. An offering to compliment my tithes.

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV)